Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Economic Stimulus Payment

This year, taxpayers will receive another Economic Stimulus Payment.

This is a very exciting program from the new administration. Please note this is one of the first changes from business as usual as promised by the new President.

WHEN WILL THE STIMULUS PACKAGE "KICK IN"? - An initial Congressional Budget Office analysis found that only $26 billion out of $274 billion (7%) in infrastructure spending would be delivered into the economy by next fall. An update determined that just 64% of the stimulus would reach the economy by 2011.

Since the majority of the infrastructure spending will not arrive until AFTER 2011 - it is up to the taxpayer to spend the next stimulus check wisely to start the economy.

This year, taxpayers will receive another Economic Stimulus Payment, late 2009.

As I said, this is a very exciting program from the new administration. Please support the new President.

In Part 1 I will explain this program using the Q and A format.

Please note that those who did not follow the recommendations of Part 2 may be held liable for prolonging the recession.

Q. The Stimulus package is said to be 1.2 Trillion dollars, and it's supposed to jump start the economy, so why is there only $ 274 Billion in infrastructure spending?
A. Because we are also going to give you another Economic Stimulus Payment.

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Q. So where is all of the other money going?
A. To fix things we wanted fixed but could not get approved thru the last 8 years.

Q. Will that create jobs?
A. A few, for our favorite people.

Q. And isn't all of this the same method attempted by the Bush administration ?
A. Security! Security! Remove this conservative Republican hate monger!

Part 2

Part 2 is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
doing your patriotic part and spend your stimulus check wisely:

Please note:

If you spend the money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile
and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. Here are options on how to spend it wisely, so those dollars stay in the American economy.

You can do that by spending it on:
upgrading your boat,
painting your house,
buying your landscape plants,
swap meets,
yard sales,
going to a baseball game,
corner restaurants.
and local Church suppers,

For those less Godly, try spending it on
American strippers, dancers, prostitutes,
pot (West Coast grown),
domestic beer,
whiskey and wine (again, domestic ONLY),
getting tattoos, or by buying American guns, since these are some of the few businesses still in the US.

Enjoy your stimulus payment - now do your part in supporting the new administration !!

No comments: